the truth about forever

change

2011-10-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

something is changing, i can smell it in the air;
everything is changing and i can taste it in your kiss.

in hopes that you stop

2011-06-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows it just takes one person to ruin a relationship. I'm not trying to say that two can't do it, it's just easier for one to do it by himself.
You can write all you want, but it doesn't mean anything when you don't even have the guts to actually talk to me in person. Nevermind talking to me, you don't even look at me-but yet you won't let it go.

I guess it's easy for you to be mean to me now. You were never known for being the nicest kid in our grade but you were always nice to me..I guess that was just an act because I was nice to you too.

You can blame me as much as you want, for everything, I'll take all the blame: for ruining our friendship, your senior year, your relationship with God, go ahead blame it all on me. But please at least blame me for being the one to try to fix it.

I'm sure I'll never know if it all happened by mistake or on purpose. But this ending definitely wasn't an accident.

Oh, how He loves us

2011-05-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

And he is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane. I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions
Eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are
and how great your afflictions are for me

Just clearing my head

2011-03-30T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm overwhelmed; with everything. I'm spinning, but I'm not dancing, I'd be more graceful if I was My head is filled with little snipets of every aspect of my life that don't really matter anyways. the wonders of last night, the day that is now behind me the night that is to come the things I'm proud to say I accomplished today: another application, a phone call or two, a clean room. the people I interacted with: bailey giving me her little ballet hugs, sleepy kisses, a mommy sleeping in the sun, a friend in france. I don't like to think that no matter how productive I am today, I have so much more to come. Thank you for all of it, for all of you that you surround me with. for the warm day you used to tease me of summer for the genuine smile that you gave me today for the best friend that listens to me dazzle on and on for the laughter than makes us strangers, friends for the little girl who just wants me to play with her for my parents that I don't quite understand right now for the caring touch from the boy I love and for the soft bed that you lay me down in everynight Though I may be overwhelmed with what I do not know, I will not forget to thank you for it all

I need wings

2011-03-10T17:20:00.000-08:00

Your the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you, but I have to
because I don't know who you are anymore.

take over me

2011-02-15T15:58:00.000-08:00

I want to set the world on fire,
until it's burning bright for you
It's everything that I desire
can I be the one you use?

You are strong enough to take my dreams and give them wings. I want to tell the broken there is healing. I want to tell the confused there's a straight path and tell them that with You, there's nothing they can't do. My hands, my feet-just use me

If walls could talk

2011-02-13T15:02:00.000-08:00

When she first moved in I was pink. I was a playful shade of pink that was marked with the pattern of sponge pores. An outdated green carpet layed on the floor she walked on; limiting her to my small space. Everynight she fell asleep covered by a floral quilt to keep her warm. A nightstand promptly stood to the left of her bed, close enough to her so her fingertips could sweep the alarmclock that she barely ever used. Her daddy woke her up every morning. Even though he would get frustrated trying to pull her out of bed, he unfailingly woke her, everyday. The alarm clock sat on a white lacy cloth-that was her mother trying to dress up the cheap nightstand. Her most prized beanie baby bear watched over her day in and day out as he lived on the nightstand too. A dark wooden dresser took up most of the room. The dresser used to belong to the mother of her best friend but now was squeezed into the grove of the small room. I would watch her sit on top of that dresser, scribbling lyrics of avril lavigne and hilary duff in washable marker all over the mirror. A first communion plaque and a little house of wobbles lived on opposite selves the dresser supported. Sleepovers and make-up parties were held weekend after weekend and as the days went by I slowly began to change.

the night before my life goes on

2011-01-29T20:10:00.000-08:00

The are some songs out there that I don't understand
but I love anyways

I don't want to live out a lie
but it's difficult when I can't determine what's true

you rain into my soul

2011-01-19T18:30:00.000-08:00

I don't give enough credit to my heart
After dancing around in circles
its nice to know that you are every thing I'm looking for

In the bitterness of the winter
you come between me
you consume and you fill me

I'm caught in the center of your mystery
I'm screaming a sweet surrender
take it heavy on me-I won't weigh you down

daisies and roses

2010-11-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

answers in unison
dreams about the future
she understands me, and I, her
they get mad
together we walk on eggshells

jumping off swings
discussing daydreams.

the language of life

2010-09-18T12:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I should trust where my tip toes lead
I have a fear of falling
I wonder why we bother with love,
if it never lasts.

this is the way

2010-09-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

I can't explain the way he makes me feel; everytime I try to that feeling fills the air, the feeling that I'm rambling on to myself, I lost them a while ago. I try to pour some of the love I'm filled with onto them, and they don't want any of it. I'm just an embarassment; no one has the heart to tell the young and the innocent that things will change, that she's living in a dream that will shortly be interrupted. It doesn't matter though, I can see it in their eyes what their trying to say, and I'm not listening to any of it. I will stay this way forever, free; free and filled with joy. I smile, and they wonder what I'm smiling at, I laugh hysterically and you just can't help but to laugh with me, because that's all you want. All you want is to enjoy everything you have, and you know, that that's all I want too. Ask and you shall receive; He will fill you with an overwhelming amount of joy. I am exactly who I want to be, and he is everything I dreamed he would be. I have nothing to lose because He is there to catch me, and I am thankful for the tight grasp he has on me.

l o v e

2010-09-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. ( initial capital letter ) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of god for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis . a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20. to have sexual intercourse with.

–verb (used without object)
21. to have love or affection for another person; be in love. —Verb phrase
22. love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets. —Idioms
23. for love,
a. out of affection or liking; for pleasure.
b. without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.
24. for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.
25. in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.
26. in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.
27. make love,
a. to embrace and kiss as lovers.
b. to engage in sexual activity.
28. no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers.

so many meanings;

She'll keep waiting

2010-08-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

I painted a picture once, but I can't seem to remember what it looks like. I used to love to paint; I used to love you too. The colors have been replaced with words, and your sweet ways override everything I thought I was. I have buried myself. They've tried to dig me out, but your the only one I trust to do so.

no matter where you are

2010-08-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

It's not easy saying this to you
It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do
But before you go
I want you to know
I wish you strength, when times are hard
I wish with all my heart you find just what you're looking for
I wish you joy
I wish you peace
I wish that every star you sees within your reach

love will tear us apart

2010-08-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

I've never seen anything so sad. I run down our narrow hallway, quickly, anxious to get to my room. I shut the door swiftly behind me, I can't let them see me cry, not over something like this. The tears were trickling down my cheeks, slowly, one by one and I was hoping they couldn't see me through the darkness of the room. But now, now the tears pour out, and I don't hold them back like I previously did. It amazes me that something so simple, something I love so much can fill me this much, can give me this much feeling. It reminds me of you, and how I was never afraid of my emotions. I am now though.

please remember

2010-08-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

the time was yours and mine
and we were wild and free
not a dream was out of reach
under a lover's sky
I'm gonna be with you
nothing short of God above
could turn me away from your love
let the stars stand
and witness it all

exposed

2010-07-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

http://liveaction.org/rosa-acuna/indianapolis-in

watch it.

as told by gramp

2010-07-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

The sound of my parents voices drifted through our tiny little house, upstairs, and into the bedroom in which my brother and I were trying to sleep. On certain nights (this night being one of them) my father would stay up late to play cards and enjoy the company of my mother. My guess is that they were in the middle of their second hand when my mother announced, that she smelled something funny. My father replied to her rediculousness with, "Oh Lily, you are always smelling something funny!" As they continued on playing, it wasn't long before my mother yet again insisted by saying, "Jack, I smell something!" The high pitched sound of my fathers chair screetching across the floor filled the house, as he got up, without a word to reassure my mother that there was nothing to be concerned about. Unfailingly, my mother was right. My father neared our basement door just as the smoke began rushing in underneath. The door handle felt hot, but he swung open the door just to reassure himself that there was indeed a fire. By this point my mother was already up out of her chair yelling in her stern voice that we were all used to for us to get out of the house, yelling that there was a fire. It wasn't that late, so naturally none of use were asleep anyways. We all jumped up, and although I could hear my sister screming from the other room I bolted down the stairs and out of the house. I knew what to do, and even under these circumstance I was thrilled. I ran towards the end of our street, where the fire alarm post sat and waited patiently for a neighborhood emergency. I pulled up the plastic case and yanked at the red handle. No sooner did it take for the sirens to sound off than it took for the firetrucks to arrive at our house. I stood there watching, the only one who seemed to be able to just stand there and watch. I looked over at my family standing together across the street, my parents trying to calm down my sister. As I walked closer towards them I saw my sister run up to a firefighter, still in tears. After a little while of him trying to figure out exactly what it was that she was saying, I heard him say back in between his laughs, "Don't worry hunny, your cat was the first one out of this house, she's safe."
Not too long after this mess began, my older sister, Vinny, came home from the movies to find that our house was the house consuming our little town with all this smoke.

Can you imagine coming home to find that your house was just on fire?

she grew up slow

2010-07-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

this is new to me,
your administering ways

drive with me on an open highway
never knowing what we'll find

"In the depths of every heart, there is a tomb and a dungeon, though the lights, the music, and revelry above may cause us to forget their existence, and the buried ones, or prisoners whom they hide. But sometimes, and oftenest at midnight, those dark receptacles are flung wide open. In an hour like this, when the mind has a passive sensibility, but no active strength; when the imagination is a mirror, imparting vividness to all ideas, without the power of selecting or controlling them; then pray that your griefs may slumber, and the brotherhood of remorse not break their chain." Nathaniel Hawthorne

she didn't find you by looking for love
so you better figure out a better way to lose her

Rollins Pond

2010-07-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

I don't understand it yet

2010-07-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

how can you keep your heart set on freeze
while you set my soul on fire

every dream I believed
has now come down to just one question

heart and soul on the line

2010-06-08T17:19:00.000-07:00

The smell of her perfume encompasses the air around me as she covers my eyes with her palms.
"Guess who?" she says. I turn around and her smile is all it takes.

He just stares at me, smirking; I guess I was a dead give away...we stand there in the midst of the chaos, starring at each other, its all we can do to keep from laughing-which is all we seem to do around each other anyways

I want to know everything about you.

life in the spirit

2010-04-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

all you have to do is sit there, in His presence
'preach the word of God, and sometimes use words'

I want the gift of laughter
to light up the world

I'm a bad boy, for breaking her heart

2010-04-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

I picked her up in my 1995 chevy pick up, after her parents went to bed. We drove down every street in this little town and then moved on to the next. She was gorgeous, draped with Gods hand-painted beauty; 55 down 146 to the elementary school, down the long driveway, to the last parking spot on the left. Straight ahead on the dried up grass, looking into the woods i parked my truck. We lit up the nighttime sky, the windows rolled down, with silence as background music secluding us from the distant world. She stained the passenger seat with her sweet perfume, and stained my lips with the taste of innocence. Her long brown hair weaved in and out of my fingers and my hands grasped her soft skin. Her elegant stare focused into the deepness of my gaze and sent chills throughout my whole body. I could feel her melt into the saftey i gave her. She was a good girl and she loved me.

i hope you get your dream

2010-04-07T19:08:00.000-07:00

lets stay up and talk all night
chain smoking your cigarettes
i know you'd like that
because i see beyond what you notice
your gaze is caught on me
and
you can't look away
but thats okay
im staring back anyways

this summer lets make it matter
alls fair in love an war?
if so many say it, i guess we can believe it
tell me your favorite song
and we'll sing to mine

your voice sounds terrible
as i'm sleeping under mrs. heynes pine tree
and your as wrapped up in the branches
as you are
in me

how will I do

2010-03-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

I can't wait to get going but I don't think I'm ready to leave. I'm making plans for the future that may never happen, because who know's what I'll be in the future. What if I waste four, five or even six years trying to figure out something I'll never know...but then again what if I already have? I guess we all get mixed up in this crazy life, so I have no one to turn to. Seems like I'm walking in the wrong direction, I can barely recognize myself sometimes. Am I playing on the safeside, or is this just taking a long time? I don't want to live in fear, I don't want to be afraid to just fall down, no matter how many times it happens, hopefully someone will be there to pick me up. I'm not sure who it will be though, do I know them now? Where will I meet them, or will I make yet another mistake and miss meeting them? I will wait up for you, whoever you are. I secretly hope your waiting for me too.

one moment can change your life forever

2010-03-05T20:02:00.000-08:00

An international soccer star is on his way to sign a multimillion dollar contract when a series of events unfold that brings his career to an abrupt end. A beautiful waitress, struggling to make it in New York City, discovers something about herself that she's unprepared for. In one irreversible moment, their lives are turned upside down...until a simple gesture of kindness brings them both together, turning an ordinary day into an unforgettable experience.

there was always love in daddy's hands

2009-12-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

dear daddy,
Here you are, another year older, yet again. Fifty-one, wow, honestly it makes me sad to think that someday i will be that age, and you will be even older. I never want that to happen, i want us to stay this way forever. I am so proud of you, everything you have done, for me and for our family. Don't give up on your dreams yet. I know you probably think its too late for alot of things, but its not. You still have so much to do in this life. Lets make a promise for and to each other: you will help me with my dreams if i help you with yours, sound good?
I love you. I love how i am so much like you, but i love how i am so different from you too. I love how we speak the same language. I love how you are quiet, even when you know you shouldn't be. I love how you leave open all the cabinet doors, how you brush your teeth before ever leaving the house, how you eat alot at dinner and how you fall asleep in the passenger seat when I drive.
I don't want to think that i will ever forget these memories that i have with you. I hope we continue to add many more to them though. Thank you for being the best daddy in the world.
Love your little girl,
mary

naming Rain

2009-11-19T15:48:00.000-08:00

i fly around in circles
searching for what is unknown
should i give up
maybe sometimes
but don't you think its too late
to start over
lets just pick up
where we first met

sweet images
arise in your eyes
and they tell me
not to worry

you help me understand
this world isn't only mine

all we need is a softer world

2009-09-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

" When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life.
When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote happy. They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life. "

its the little things that matter

2009-07-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

i feel like summer has started today
i just got back from new jersey and last night i felt so unorganized and i felt like i didnt have control of anything going on in my life. so i wrote my self a list of everything i need to get done this week. Its about a page long, and i have only done about two things so far but for some reason i am excited about it. Its a long list, and there are only seven days in a week....six since im hoping to get everything done by sunday but i some things are small and will only take a second to do. Its just that they are on my list so hopefully i will actually do them, instead of just leaving it as a thought. Today i cleaned and vaccumed my bedroom [two seperate things on the list]..thats one of the bigger things believe it or not haha...it took be like two an a half hours but its done. One of the simpler things on my list is starting my book, well i should say "re-starting" my book. I started it like two months ago, and all it takes to restart it is a page...but for some reason i haven't, in the last week that its been on my mind, started it.
I sat through a "speech" last week, which led me to the awkward conclusion that i love speeches..haha. but the woman was up in front of me with her pretty blonde hair swayed across her face, petite body moving as she got into everything she was saying and just grabbed my attention. She talked about how all we need to do is little things. It was kinda on the subject of 'living in the moment' type of cliche saying but she broke it down and made more sense of it. if i start my book right now, even if i only read two or three pages....i will still have started it. In my mind i think that i want to wait until i have a good half hour to sit down and read, that never gets done and a month goes by before i even think about opening the book. when rather, the minute i first thought of reading the book i could have sat down and read a little, because then if i had kept that low stardard of reading however much i can each day my book would have been done last month.
she talked about a lot of other stuff too and it was so inspiring, but everything she said was true, if i just live, and do little things everyday, if i break down big goals to simple everyday goals they will complete that larger goal in the long run.
toodles-im going to read

she will be known

2009-05-04T20:10:00.001-07:00

Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way

&& you fill her with wonder

2009-05-04T20:00:00.001-07:00

too much thought

2009-04-30T13:54:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lately about judgement. I am definately guitly of judging other people like just how i look at them and notice everything about them and think about it (like im examining them as a grade or something), and just in my head come up with certain conclusions meanwhile i haven't even met this person! But it gets so complicated-Its basically imposible to avoid judging other people or just being judged yourself is what i have concluded. People are always going to think something of you whether its good or bad. You are going to have certain reasons for thinking things of others to. Its not like everytime you talk to your friend you start clean, but should you? Although if im going to talk to my friend who i feel is really judgemental like everytime i talk to her, does that mean i should start fresh everytime giving her another chance. No way! thats just being ignorant. Or is it...ughh told you this is confusing. Then you could always be that person that "doesn't care what people think"....but you don't what to go tooo far with this, keep in mind we are pretending you are normal...well at least most of the time. Anyways-what do you think?

its gonna change everything i feel

2009-04-24T15:38:00.001-07:00

Its such a beautiful day out. I took a walk, a long walk, in my barefeet, with his ipod and a flowy skirt:)
Lately i feel like i want more, maybe im anticipating summer, but either way im not sure what it is exactly that i want more of. Maybe just bliss, and I am anticipating summer knowing that it will bring bliss.
I'm feeling alot lately like nothing can ever be simple, although thats the way things should be. I've never been one to feel the need to have it, simplicity that is, but lately I just find myself feeling like so much is a waste. Like it shouldn't be this complicated... so why is it?

A moment worth eye rolling

2009-03-18T13:56:00.000-07:00

Its annoying how stupid people are lately. Its out of my control, and its quite sad that nothing can be done about their stupidity. Just putting that out there. I've been thinking about my future more lately, well more like just yesterday, and its most likely because yesterday was career day..haha. So, on the subject of career day, last night I was telling my dad about it, and about some of my interests and as you probably already know along with a few other things, I am interested in criminal justice or being a lawyer as like a career. While my mom's friend, Kim and Kim's boyfriend were over, I was telling my dad about career day and about the attorney I met and talked to, Doug (Kim's boyfriend, who might i add just for image purposes has a big nose) had the nerve to blurt out that I shouldn't be a lawyer because they are scum (and typically kim haddddd to agree). Im not sure if just a huge wavy of rudeness flew over him or if he whelled up with this feeling that he needed to tell me this in order to save my future. Might I be so disrespectful by saying that I don't even think he really has a job right now! Ugh so-yes although it wasn't a huge dream of mine, it wasn't like I was very passionate about being a lawyer I still took that very offensively. And maybe someone should let him know that a lot of people are scum in the world. And as he concluded about lawyers lying alot (therefore somehow proving his 'scum' theory), MANY other people lie....step into any high school and viola! This just is yet another example of kim, another story to add to the list to explain my feelings about her.
So, I'm sure you are awful glad right now that you took an extra minute or so, just to read my blog.
genuionly yours-mary

like alice in wonderland

2009-03-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

Doesn't everybody want to same thing, why isn't that enough?
When were tangeled up and we can't resist-
Dawn always comes to soon
just take my hand to have and hold if not obey
words get in the way
Lost&insecure
It's sad but sometimes it starts with goodbye
we drifted away like the leaves in the fall
but something always brings me back to you
when you love someone like that
silence is something you can't hide
I don't want this night to end- why does it have to end?
None of us were angels
And you know I love you
Its the ABCs of growing up
Everyday I wonder how I'll get through

save me from the fall out

2009-02-21T21:13:00.000-08:00

I am going to bed tonight without talking to him, for the first time, in a long time. It's been a long night.
Do you ever just want to like take your ipod and run. Run away to somewhere safe, or maybe just run away from everything safe. Its never simple or easy. I am always finding myself wanting to be saved. I don't know what from, maybe myself or maybe just what I don't know. That's my biggest probelm-not being able to handle what I don't know, its the hardest thing for me.

Show me what loves all about

2009-02-20T13:22:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been noticing how important eyes are;their color, size, shape and most importantly meaning. Like, when someone makes a face to me eyes say it all, they are the most important. The shape, color or size of ones eyes basically determines someones whole "look". If you take someones face and change their eyes it changes everything, maybe the color, maybe the size, maybe how proportionate they now are compared to the rest of their face, their different faces and expressions and just what certain things mean, like if they are being serious of kidding, is determined by their eyes. So what do hungry eyes look like? well the first thing you should ask is, what one is hungry for. food? love? friendship? God? I think we are all hungry for something, no matter what it is, we strive for it even if we don't want to admitt it. And me, I am hungry for not one but so many things. So can you tell when I want a certain thing, by my eyes? (rhetorical question)Because similar to my facial expression, my eyes just shout exactly what I'm feeling. I think that our eyes show other people so much, of what we want, or have, or have been through, or lack. Our eyes unleash us to the world, and let us see it for what it really is, whether we see bad, good, sad, happy, frightening, or joyful things, its because of our eyes. I think its funny how thankful we are to be able to see things yet our eyes expose us to so much evil.

& didn't I tell you, I'm on your side

2009-02-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

The little things, you do to me are
Taking me over, I wanna show you
Everything inside of me
Like a nervous heart
My feet are stuck here,
against the pavement
I wanna break free,
I wanna make it
Closer to your eyes,
to get your attention
Before you pass me by

Everything coming down to Nothing

2009-02-07T12:21:00.000-08:00

And then slowly the words poured out of her, like lava exploding, uncontrolably out of a volcanoe, the words that she found herself wanting to use more and more lately, but never dared unlleash their power. While she could feel her eyes swelling up with tears, and her face getting hotter and hotter as it always had when she found herself caught off-guard, she she, "I HATE YOU." A defensive look struck his face, and she understood why, it wasn't like it was obvious to anyone but herself why she was mad, and she wouldnt expect him to know why she was anyways. His voice rambled on in the background of why exactly he did it and all she could think about was the tears. The tears that she tried so hard to keep hidden from him were about to be revealed. She hated him, as well as her for agreeing and sticking by him, although, thats what marriage is all about right? She pivotted and walked resentfully to her bedroom. As always, once there, nothing was stopping the tears and they streamed down her face. Sitting there, surrounded by her things she kept comtemplating how it came to this. He used to be her hero, and she used to be his angel. But that was then and now she found herself almost always hating him; For to her, he was overprotectively getting invovled, but to him, he was protecting her from the thing he has feared all these years.

Ugh.

2009-02-03T14:37:00.000-08:00

alright so im kinda annoyed at people haha. Not you. I mean like my parents and grandparents---I get the fact that im only fifteen but they need to understand that I'm fifteen! In their eyes im young and naive and I know they are just trying to prevent mistakes from happening and see me succeeed because "they know I have so much potential"; but to me, I'm fifteen, almost sixteen, in high school, with a job, great friends, a boyfriend and so much more. But I have such a desire for freedom. Now I'm not trying to be all complainy, because I do recognize that I already have alot of freedom and my parents don't have that many rules that keep me from doing stuff but ughh what do they expect? Its like can't I just do my own thing, their "advice" is appreciated-every now and then-not every second. I feel like every time they see that something could go wrong, they jump on the chance to fix it, but the problem is there's nothing to fix, because nothing has happened, to make it shorter for you, its just annoying. Alright so my random, off topic, question for you today isn't really a question its more like " what's your opinion type of thing;" so whats your opinion about giving birth, well not exactly giving birth its self more like, being able to concieve a child--and i do not mean that in the preverted way, like do you consider it a blessing, like you are glad that someday you will be able to or are you like "ahhh! what are you talking about im never having kids". Just answer to the best you can understand my snafued up explaination.

mary<3

unfaltering in Him

2009-01-21T13:23:00.000-08:00

I kinda wish that I could have like an hour everyday just to sit down and talk to God. Now I know I already can do that, but I mean like I just want answers. Not even like an explanation, we'll keep it easy, all I want is a "yes or a no"; Should I keep trying ? Or just let it?
Do you think He purposely puts situations in our lives to see how we will handle them, or do they just have a mind of their own, messing up His plan? Because lately I've been struggling with stuff like that.
I don't really like the "If they don't want you in there life than you don't need them in yours" motto, because that's not true for so many reasons. One being that there are certain people that I want in my life, or want back in my life, but just because I want that doesn't necessarily mean that the feeling is mutual.
So I guess I'm wondering, do you think I should let those types of things go or should I be more determined to fight for them?
I know in the long run it really doesn't matter what you think I should do(no offense) but don't worry because it doesn't even matter what I think I should do, or will do.. because, as I've wisely heard recently, "It doesn't matter, because I know its just all going to turn out all right" =)
with allll my love,
mary<3

Don't forget to look before you fall

2008-12-26T08:56:00.001-08:00

Christmas morning, and im sitting in the 6th row listening to a "soon-to-be-priest" talk about the unknown, thinking:how much does he really know about the unknown, when obviously he found his purpose in life. Normally this is the part i tune out, because its just the priest interpreting the readings,if that, but lately thats changed. So he's going on and on and im not saying i can disagree with what he said because it was all true and related to me its just one of those things that might mean more coming from someone else. But then he told us this story about his grandfather; "I used to sit in that very first seat right there (pointing to the front row) growing up, with my family, and just about 5 years i was sitting there with my elderly grandfather, whom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer and my grandfather, who had been going to this church for thirty years turned to me and said 'where are we?' and i said grandpa we're at church. so for the rest of mass i had to show him the prayers to say and tell him when to stand, kneel or sit and then it was time for communion and we started walking up and i told him to fold his hands, but then the second father [the priest] held up the euchrist my grandfather put his hands out and said Amen [which is what you are taught to do and say]." This story probably doesn't mean anything to you and i don't even know why it meant alot to me, maybe because it was just unexpected, the results of how easily you could see God's presence that is? And the things that do mean the most to us aren't expected, hence falling in love.

with love
mary

gravity

2008-12-24T19:51:00.000-08:00

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

insipid

2008-12-21T14:43:00.000-08:00

I don't really have any 'inspriational life advice' for you these days, so i suppose i will just inform you of my bliss-less life. You'd think it would be filled with fun and excitement during this christmas season, and its not that my life is bad right now, my lifes not even boring, its just that though. Its christmas!!!..and it doesn't feel like it. It just feels normal. I think maybe this year the reason im not anticipating christmas is because i didn't really ask for anything big this year and there are more important things that i am looking forward to then getting presents. For example i am sooo looking forward to turning sixteen and getting my permit!!! I am looking forward to going on my missions trip and i am just looking forward to summer, actually and all the unthinkable adventure that comes with summer. That kinda reminds me of another reason as to why i wouldn't want to live in Florida, like i loveee the warmth but living in the warm, non-snowy climate all the time would just give me nothing to look forward to, seeing as i am looking forward to summer so much. It would be like blahhh all year round. haha. a girl needs a little change =P

Lately im starting to realize how much i dont want to grow up. I want to turn seventeen and then stay seventeen my wholeee life.

(A question to mess with your mind): Do second chances happen twice?

well i think i smell pizza soo until next time; toodless
<3 mary

i <3 hot chocolate

2008-12-03T14:10:00.000-08:00

i loveeee hot chocolate. I am drinking it right now and im on the phone with josh too (shhhh dont tell him =] tehe). But i really do like hot chocolate, its sooo warm and when you drink it, it heats up your whole mouth, then you can feel it traveling down your esophagus and then it spreads all throughout your body, and yummmy its warm (go ahead go back some come back and then you can finish reading haha =])

so i just took putty out for a walk and it was really cold, i was listening to my ipod which surprisingly i haven't done in a while, it was SO cold and i was only wearing a sweatshirt and normally i despise the cold with a passion and would definitely not be outside taking my little sister on a walk, butttt today i just decided that i, even though i was freezing, liked it..whether it was being by myself for a little while or my whole body including my brain being numb idk. Randomly i concluded that the dry cold air makes me feel healthy....don't ask, but just breathing it in while i was walking made be feel like healthy haha, know what im talking about? maybe not.

I have exciting news....i can go to france!!! ahhh i am ecstatic...someone dropped out so it created an opening and i am next in line...now its not officially official because i have to get all the paper work back to her but im going to france! im so excited!

I am going to small groups soon and im going to go eat some spaghetti so talk to you later

toodles<3

It's raining diamonds

2008-11-30T12:21:00.000-08:00

It's snowing!!

now as many of you know..i don't really like the snow, but to inform you differently i actually love snow its just the playing in it part that I don't like. But today is the first official snow day (i think) this year...I'm saying that because it has been snowing consistantly for like an hour...and all the other times it "snowed" this year it was crappy, little sugar-like droplets that dissolve faster than they land. So i do love this part of the snow watching it fall beautifully outside, as I am sitting inside getting colder by the flake.
Last night i painted my nails ( at kaylas =]) and I really like the color nail polish i picked (kayla's haha well her moms ;]) butt i think i like it so much just because i now that like once it all wears off and i have to take it off..thats the end of it (unless i coincidentally go over to kaylas and paint my nails while I'm there again...but i probably wouldn't even remember which color it is considering her mom has like 50 bajillion of the same colors). The point is I think I (as well as maybe yourself) am like that with alot of things...kinda like the "you want it the more you can't have it type of thing", Like, when your eating skittles you save the best color for last, because obviously thats your favorite and its only smart to savor it, but don't you think the opposite rule should apply..like doesn't it really make more sense to go for what you want the most in life, rather then suffering under crappy situations thinking someday you will have this....or get that..or be in that position rather than this one ( under certain circumstance of course ) idk..it also reminds me about going to college, how many invincible teenagers are making "tons of money" during high school or right after high school so naturally you think "why would i go to college to make money when i already am", i guess i would have to disagree with that wisdom filled thought because everybody knows college is pretty much the way to be sucessful in this world.Its debatable.
I made brownies this afternoon while listening to nothing less than the best music ever (country of course) and now i am off to do homework, clean my room, and do laundry. i know, sounds thrilling.

toodles<3

by the way...i thought that title was creative =]...get it? because snow is like rain just frozen, and its soooo sparkly and pretty that it could pass for a handful of diamonds?

love pedals

2008-11-27T19:54:00.000-08:00

i know, i know. this is my profile picture =P but i really like it...and i don't really know why. I think maybe i like it because it is very feminine but (as many of you ladies know) very mysterious of what lies ahead and in my opinion very confident proving. I know its kinda a little revealing haha but still its like you can only imagine who took that picture and what it must have been like, if her stomach really looks like that (i hope not) or if shes sucking it in or if it was edited at all...i think just the fact that i like that picture says alot about me...a lot more that what you just first see when you look at it. It also kinda reminds me of Rose in the Titanic...which makes me realize maybe it doesn't say alot about me after all, but of some qualities that i hope to aquire, of something i admire or maybe even desire..not the jack dying part but the love story part. I guess it makes me think of rose because she is confident and bold, beautiful and strong, independent and at the same time reliant on Jacks love. I mean just this picture itself could be related to the amount of confident it has for a woman such as Rose to get her naked portrait done by such a gorgeous young man =], not only that but to tease him like she did with such an akward request and yet fall completely in love with him without him totally knowing leaving him only hoping for the best... i guess you have to be me to understand that as a complete and sane thought haha
so then, what do you think of the picture?...does a whole story come to mind when you look at it...or is it just another promiscuous photo?

with love<3
mary

beauteous fall.

2008-10-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

alright listen up bloggers....here i am writing in my blog!! soo now you'll lay off?mhm thanks =]. Anyways so thanks to your pressure I just wrote the crappiest post of my lifeeee...lucky for you i erased it haha....in which a single moment after i got up and danced non-stopped to- t-shirt - now i know how lazy you are so i even put up a link... you've probably already heard it but listen to it!...so after this song was over..then forever by chris brown came on and I danced to that....yeahhh i haven't started my homework yet tehe..see what i do with my free time.Well back to my boring life...field hockey is officially over...and we didn't win a single game, coach said our last game we played the best we have out of the whole season...coincidental?i think so. I am working this weekend and as you will probably be able to assume...because of the fact that I haven't started my homework yet...that i have a crap load to do this weekend..yay!...well here's something positive...tomorrow's Friday! woohoo-one more day..I can make it haha. I'll write again soon.
toodles<3
P.S. Question of the day (which means you will answer)- Why do leaves change into beautiful colors?

Last day of summer.

2008-09-03T06:58:00.001-07:00

alright soo sorry for reminding you but today is the last day of summer...for me at least. Josh's last day of summer was yesterday, and we got to spend it together...which I think is cute because its not like we get to see each other whenever. But to be honest today is a boring day haha. Right now i am currently babysitting my little sister... thats always fun, at 4 i have a game and then after that Kayla and I are going to get a wedding shower present for our friend Danielle, so it mostlikly will get better. Josh came up on Sunday so i got to hang out with him the past few days, which I loved so much. So yesterday, I finally got the movie that my dad ordered online for me, in the mail, A Walk to Remember, i feel like i have been waiting for it forever. So i could watch that today to make my day that much better but it is always more fun to watch it with someone and baby won't appreciate it as much as i would like her to. Alright so i have some lyrics for you, I think everyone can relate to them because we all want to feel needed, and like we are important, and to me this song just says that you don't need to do something amazing to "make a differenece".

Something worth leaving behind by lee ann womack

Hey Monalisa, who was Leonardo?
Was he Andy Warhol?
Were you Marilyn Monroe
Hey Mozart, what kind of name is Amadeus
It's kinda like Elvis
You gotta die to be famous
I may not go down in history
I just want someone to remember me

I'll probably never hold a brush
that paints a masterpiece
Probably never find a pen
that writes a symphony
But if I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind

Hey Midas you say you have the magic touch
But even all that shiny stuff
Someday is gonna turn to dust
Hey Jesus it must have been some Sunday morning
In a blaze of glory
We're still tellin' your story
I may not go down in history
I just want someone to remember me

I'll probably never dream a dream
and watch it turn to gold
I know I'll never lose my life
to save another soul
But, if I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind

Hey baby see the future that we're building
Our love lives on in the lives of our children
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind

hm...what do you think?
toodlesss<3

when words fail

2008-08-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you have heard the quote, "the lyrics to her favorite song will say more then she ever will," and if you haven't then now you have. But anyways I really like that quote, I always have and I'm pretty sure I always will. Its just so true, and it really applies to me as I'm sure it applies to everyone else too, or else why would we all be in love with music? Its the reason that I usually put at least some song lyrics at the end of my post whenever I write in my blog. And whether or not you read the lyrics it defines how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking about at the time. Whenever someone has me listen to a song, or whenever I listen to someones ipod, I always wonder what's going through their head as their listening to the song, what makes them like the song so much, how it applies to them or anything in their life. Especially if its a song they like, and they ask me to listen to...I mean theres obviously a reason why they like it.And its so cool how sometimes music or lyrics say something about a person that you may have never known, or never will. So lets see if you can pick out a song that you think applies to me right now.
-I'm feeling stressed...which is sad because school hasn't even started
-mad and a tad annoyed at my parents
-in love with my boyfriend
-And I am feeling like i desperately need some saving tonight...like some fun? or just relaxing and watching a favorite movie, a long phone call, or a bubble bath

I know you all are big music fans so I expect to get some lyrics
with love<3
p.s. copied some of the title from emilay tehe =]

field hockey.

2008-08-11T11:46:00.000-07:00

alright well today was the first day of field hockey...or at least i thought it was. It turns out, it wasn't that first day of field hockey. So i woke up this morning(at like 7 btw) and got ready and my dad drove me over to the high school on his way to work, only to find out that there was no one there...greattt....so my dad was like I can either leave you here and call mom to pick you up when you get to work or I can drop you off at Charlton Heights...so I'm thinking uhmm you are definately not leaveing me here (it was like 8 in the morning and freezing out). So he dropped me off at the Elementary school and I walked home because he was late for work. It actually wasn't that bad, considering I got to go home and sleep another 4 hours. But then I was woken up by Mrs. Richardson, calling to ask me if I can babysit tonight...haha a tad bit akward. So anyways, I thought you would like to get a laugh at how my morning has been so far...talk to you laterr<3

first day of work.

2008-08-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

alright so today was my first day of work....i recently got a job at oliver's cafe, as a dishwasher...yes i know you are all jealous, anyways. it really isn't as bad as you would think although it has its moments, plus it pays good and i need the money...so back to my first day at work...it was already kinda a long day...because I'm kinda slow....like compared to the other people that work there at least (bc honestly i dont think im thatttt slow haha) Buttt my parents like didn't pick me up...i know your like wow that sucks...well it does...because i had to wait there with my "boss" for like an hour and a half....an hour an a half!!....and yes i tried calling.no answer....so yeah it didn't go so well...i was wicked mad at my parents, but then when i got home and talked to them i wasn't so much because they felt really bad...its not that they forgot about picking me up ..i mean they kinda did, they went to look at our new house (because we are moving), and it ended up taking longer than they expected...but other than that my first day wasn't that bad, besides the face that my hands got sooo amazingly wrinkly, it was good. (oh and btw my boss, claudia ended up bringing me home, but it was fine because she was totally okay with it). So later on in the day i went over to kayla's house to hang out for a bit and we watched the olympics! haha welllll some of the olympics, but i have my first day of field hockey early tomorrow so I'm thinking I'm going to shower then sleep =]

Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard
There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

toodles<3

how am i supposed to feel when your not here

2008-08-07T16:58:00.000-07:00

alright so yesterday i went to the Great Escape, with my friend emily and her mom. It rained a little bit...but only for like twenty minutes..so it was nothing. I have to tell you that the highlight of our trip at the Great Escape was the skycoaster, Emily and i went on it together for the first time and it was amazing. I'm not quite sure if I want to say it wasn't scary...because it was but it definately wasn't as bad as i thought it would be...plus i talked through some of the part getting pulled up ....haha so that may have made me not realize exactly how scary it was. But it really was fun, such an experience and after the first drop, it just feels like your flying, but in my opinion the first drop was the best part...because it literally felt like you were falling...until the cord/rope thing "caught" you. We went on other rides..and the water park which, of course, was fun too. After our day at the Great Escape, emily and I went back to her house and got changed and stuff, then headed out to the movies. We saw the Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants 2...it was sooo good. Times a bit sad..but it was definately as good (maybe better) than the first one. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you that my parents just informed me today that we are moving. Its still in the same school district, and in Burnt Hills, but idk, I guess I am just trying to think positive about it....considering how I'm not exactly thrilled that we are moving in the first place...but its a bigger house and although its change we will have more room and I'm sure it won't be as bad as I think. Well I guess I'm going to head over to the Y with kayla to workout for a little while.... here are some lyrics to a song ive been listening to alot lately

That's What you get by paramore

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why, all the possibilities I'm sure you've heard.

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

toodles<3

come here buttercup

2008-08-01T17:26:00.000-07:00

alright, so once again i am at my cousins house, i seem to be here alot lately...i don't mind its just right now i dont have anything to do because my cousins Gina isn't here...again haha. anyways i have been thinking alot lately about like memories and how important they are to me....like remembering them and looking at pictures and "recalling" them. I mean when you think about it memories should be pretty much one of the most important things to us....our present is enjoyable, but it quickly becomes our past...which therefor turns into a memory. I always ask my boyfriend, josh, to tell me stuff about us..haha it sounds really funny especially because we have been going out for about 7 months and thats not really a long time to know someone, and have alot of memories to share, buttt i absolutely loveee hearing him tell me them. Sometimes i don't remember stuff that he does remember, but most of the stuff i remember at least alittle, i just love hearing them from his point of view, because it may be different then what I remember or thought or experienced it to be like, and i like hearing him tell me little details that i don't remember, or that he remembered for some reason, haha i ask him to tell me about "us" alot, just because i like hearing him talk about it. And knowing that i like that so much just made me realize i like hearing about it because i like thinking about it and its important to me. I find myself reading notes from schools that my friends and i have given to each other and remembering what they were about and what was going on in our lives. idk whether you agree or disagree or if you can relate or not, but thats just what im thinking about these days. here are some lyrics from a song i like....what do you think?

words get in the way by jewel

Come here buttercup
Let me fill you up
Can't you see i'm the blue in your skies
You can tell by the stars in my eyes
Dawn always comes too soon
It hurts me like a bruise
There's a hole in my pillow
Where you used to be
It feels like a hole in the middle of me

Oh, oh, oh just take my hand
To have and hold if not obey
Oh, oh, oh say you're still my man
I'll try to find the words to say
That i want you always to stay
To wake up with you every single day
But words get in the way
Words get in the way

Tell your boss you're dead
And let's go back to bed
You make me want to break out in song
But everytime i try it just comes out wrong

i dont really know why i like this song, because i can't really relate to it but i do like it
toodles<3

whenever i think about you

2008-07-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

alright so right now im at my cousins, the DiJohns house, and everyone is in the pool....its too cold for me and i kinda just dont want to go in haha. so today josh and i have been going out for 7 months =]...and you willl probably all think I'm weird for saying this but honestly it feels longer than 7 months...idk why it just does. i am so happy that these past 7 months have` happened though. I've been busy lately...i suppose thats why i haven't blogged in a while...but here are some things i have been up to: well on thursday i think it was i had a sleepover with emily, we wanted to go to the mall, butttt that didn't end up working out so well =/ so instead we rented a movie...The other Boleyn girl...have any of you seen it? idk it was pretty good...intense at some parts =P anyways so then on friday i babysat my little sister Kathleen all day with my sister monica while my mom was at work; so on friday i got a call to babysit for these people i don't know...they just moved here from Kansas city, and are supposed to be moving into their new house this Friday, anyways so me not realizing that they don't actually have a house yet i didn't think that they would need me to babysit their kids at my house haha so it was a little akward when they got here but it turned out fine. They had a daughter, Quin, whos two and a son, Henry whos about 9 months, they are cute kids haha and hopefully they will call me again to babysit =]. On saturday i woke up at 7 to babysit emily and kate at 7:30, 7:30 to 4 is a long day, especiallly to babysit them, but they are great to babysit for and we have fun haha....then after babysitting the girls i got dropped off at my cousins for my gramps 80th birthday party; i got to see alot of relatives....like the ones that i only see about once a year in the summer...it was fun tho. As much as i love being with friends being with family is funn too (just not too much haha). I am so excited tho tomorrow kayla come home and i can't wait to here all about her time while in Costa Rica....she gets home late monday night but i still can't wait to talk to her. hm so i was thinking recently about like things and how much they are really worth to me in my life, like a "does that really matter" type of thing....like little things and sometimes big things. My friend kellie said to me one time.....is that going to matter 5 years from now...and she made a point alot of things won't, and i think i should think about that more than i do....and I am trying to think more about even those things that will matter in 5 years. As many of you know about me though...is that i don't like suprises that much...idk why but im not the biggest fan.....and i consider five years from now and not knowing what its going to be like a suprise. i wish i knew what is going to matter in five years....like the things that i should worry more about now for the future...does that make sense? idk anyways i guess thats all for now...here are some lyrics =].

Why Can't I? by Liz Phair

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

What if this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

with love<3

I'd like to check you for ticks....in the rain of course

2008-07-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

alright...has anyone ever heard of brad paisley? because last night i went to one of his amazing concerts.in the pouring rain. The concert was at SPAC and we had lawn seats..haha (enough said). I went with my mom, dad, my sister monica and kayla too. My mom wore a yellow poncho and my dad wore a blue one.....wicked embarassing...kayla and i decided a little water wouldn't hurt us haha. Although we got really wet, kayla and i weren't like soaked (beside our feet), bc we stood under this big thing (which acted as a roof) the whole concert. It was such a good concert, julianne (i dont remember her last name) was there, jewel, chuck wicks (major hotttiee!!!) and brad paisley. they are all country singers for those of you who dont know who they are=]. and it was really good. You know how SPAC is like on a "hill"...well there were tons and tons of people who were outside (yes in the rain outside....part of this crowd being my parents and monica standing under umbrellas) anyways, there was a big group of "older teenagers" (for lack of a better word) and they made a huge mud slide. like seriously they slide down the lawn in the mud and it was soo funny looking, security tried to stop them once, but supposedly they kept going down...security wasn't very successful. So as a whole this week has been an extremely good week, hanging out with josh and kayla, then emilys party which was really fun, and then going to camp but not having to stay over =] haha. alright well it would only be appropriate to leave you with some brad paisley lyrics...(which will hopefully explain the title for this post to you ;]).

Ticks by brad paisley

Every time you take a sip
In this smoky atmosphere
You press that bottle to your lips
And I wish I was your beer
In the small there of your back
Your jeans are playing peekaboo
I'd like to see the other half of your butterfly tattoo.

Hey that gives me an idea
Let's get out of this bar
Drive out into the country
And find a place to park.

'Cause I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
And I'd like to check you for ticks.

I know the perfect little path
Out in these woods I used to hunt
Don't worry babe I've got your back
And I've also got your front
I'd hate to waste a night like this

I'll keep you safe you wait and see
The only thing allowed to crawl all over you when we get there is me.

You know every guy in here tonight
Would like to take you home
But I've got way more class than them
Babe that ain't what I want.

its a funny song you should listen to it...alot of his songs are funny.
toodles<3

forever will be you and me

2008-07-04T15:53:00.000-07:00

alright well right now I'm at my cousins and my cousin gina, who i usually hang out with went to her friends camp sooo thats why I'm on the computer =P haha. I have to tell you about my night/morning/day so far...even tho i've probably already told many of you. I was on the phone with my amazing boyfriend last night until like 5 this morning....i know rightt. but anyways so then when we hung up bc we were both getting tired (naturally haha), i couldn't go to sleep....like i was tired but not really. So i got up and went outside...i took a short walk and then got a blanket and read outside for like 2 hours, during which my crazy neighbor who happened to be up for work came over to give us more unneeded crap...which she always does by the way (its like oh im cleaning out my house let me give it to the Fazios)....i mean i know its the thought that counts but its like just no, well this morning she dropped off a basket of toys for my sisters and a half of a watermelon...random?i think so. shes like you can eat the whole thing and not tell anyone or you can share...ill let you decide and i just faked a smile. Back to the rest of my day. At about seven when i finished my book, the truth about forever, (mad good btw), i went inside, layed in my bed and slowly fell asleep. I woke up at like 12:30 to find out that i had a half an hour to get ready and my mom was in the shower..psh greatt i know. So now im at my cousins with my dads side of the family and I've been eating, playing volleyball, swimming, reading and stuff like that, its fun even tho it would be better if gina was here. I am so excited for this week, and if everything goes as planned its going to be soo much fun, ill be sure to tell you about it after =]. so anyways now you are caught up on whats going on with me here are some lyrics to a song i am like addicted to (once again haha).

Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings

Check yes Juliet
Are you with me?
Rain is falling down on the sidewalk
I won't go until you come outside
Check yes Juliet
Kill the limbo
I'll keep tossing rocks at your window
There's no turning back for us tonight

Lace up your shoes
A O A O ah
Here's how we do

Run baby run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
Don't say we're not meant to be
Run baby run
Forever will be
You and me

Check yes Juliet
I'll be waiting
Wishing, wanting
Yours for the taking
Just sneak out
And don't tell a soul goodbye
Check yes Juliet
Here's the countdown
3... 2... 1... now fall in my arms now
They can change the locks
Don't let them change your mind

later<3
p.s. Happy 4th of July!

its all in the game of love

2008-06-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

Alright (have any of you noticed how i usually start off a post like that...psh I'm weird...i guess its just bc I'm getting ready bc i usually say it out loud when i type it in here tehe).....as many of you have noticed i am a big popsicle fan these days...idk why its like me "craving" (psh nooo im not pregnant) but yeah i always am eating them, i have eaten 34 so far this summer......i know this bc i keep the popsicle sticks tehe. I think by the end of the summer i should do something with them...idk we'll see how that works out haha. So i think we should stop waiting for things to happen. Like why wait (why wait....hilary duff song...pretty good)? but anyways like as it got close to summer everyone was like i can't wait for summer and i mean thats alright bc summer hadn't exactly began yet bc we were all in school but at the same time its like it summer and even tho we were in school i know i have fun after school, in school and on the weekends...so its almost like what were we waiting for. But summer does offer so much more oportunities and freedom so thats a plus. But we shouldn't still be thinking, "oh i cant wait until summer starts" ....bc even if its a day when we are just home alone in our bathing suit all day i mean that is summer....summer is whatever we want it to be...alright well im not really making a point i know so i will just stop haha. well this is kinda a short post i guess but i will just leave you with some lyrics.

The game of love by Santana

Tell me
Just what you want me to be
One kiss
And boom you're the only one for me
So please tell me
Why don't you come around no more?
Cause right now
I'm crying outside the door of your candy store

It just takes a little bit of this, a little bit of that
It started with a kiss
Now we're up to bat
A little bit of laughs, a little bit of pain
I'm telling you my babe
It's all in the game of ...

Love is
Whatever you make it to be
Sunshine
Instead of this cold lonely sea
So pleased baby
Try and use me for what I'm good for
It ain't saying goodbye
It's knocking down the door of your candy store

alright i loveeeeee this song, idk why, maybe its bc it kinda is true, how love can be like a game, with like winning or loosing, not knowing the directions or whatever, but you should listen to it, whenever i hear this song it always buts me in a really good mood.

with loveee<3

Like a tree without roots, I'm falling

2008-06-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

You know everything about me...
Yet you don't know where I begin.
How can I be so anxious as to let you in?

Like a leaf falling from a tree,
it knows the ground is there.
But me,
I'm so unsure that you won't be strong enough to catch me

alright...what do you think? just some random thoughts i suppose, but they kinda got me thinking about trust and how powerful it can be. Do you think that you are easy to trust people? Or do you think that people trust you easily? I'm sure if you are one of those people that people trust easily you know. I kinda admire people like that, but at the same time i can hate them haha its great i know. But i admire them because its great how they can be so easily trust, because it means that people don't have a reason not to trust them (careful double negative =P)....but anyways it means that they have alot of secrets which i think is very cool...you know being a little mysterious, and it means that although they have those secrets they don't tell people and they aren't the kind of people that like tell you a little but then they can't tell you the rest bc its a secret and God forbid they actually tell you the rest (you know considering they already told you some) bc i can't stand that...as some of you may have guessed. But i also kinda hate those people because depending on what the secret is i want to know it =P tehe, or like i said its annoying when they tell you some but then they are like oh no...im not supposed to tell anyone so they stop its like thank you for that. Well back to the idea of trust anyways i think i need to learn to trust people more...like not be afraid to "share my own secrets" because i should just think i have no reason to not trust them if they haven't done anything to lose my trust, and especially with my friends i think i can even have trouble with that, so i am going to try that a little more....try trusting people. Anyways I am leaving to go camping this friday with my besttestt friend emilay, in lake george, I cannot wait bc i know we are going to have an amazing time. I am actually very excited for the next upcoming days. Josh is coming up for a couple days so I am glad that i will be getting to see him, and kayla is coming home, whom i haven't seen since like everrrr and then like i said leaving to go camping with emilay. So i have come up with a summer plan...and yes this is actually a good, and well thought out plan. I am going to listen to my mom this whole summer...i know i never thought i would plan that either, but i am going to try it ....key word there tryy....so even if i fail you cant say i didnt follow through with the plan bc the plan only entitles me trying (not succeeding). But this is my plan bc i am figuring if i can succeed my plan at least a little it will guarantee me a better summer, and we all know thats good. this was kinda a weird post only bc it like changed moods oh well. haha. well the "words" (for lack of a better word) up above are lyric type things so i guess thats all for now.
with lovee<3

little things in life

2008-06-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

I think we...we meaning like people in general...but i guess especially we meaning us in burnt hills because we don't see that much poverty and suffering, at least not daily, (well anyways to get back to what i was saying), I think we take things for granted. I think we take a lot for granted. And you will all laugh but like our hair for example, whether its too thick or too thin, too short or too long, not the right color or just whatever it is we take even having hair for granted. If we were to all experience cancer or a surgery where we lose all our hair we would appreciate it much more. Another example if our eyesight, our useful hands and fingers, i mean seriously i have no idea what i would do if i didn't have any hands or fingers and i definitely have no idea how i would survive if i couldn't see anything. We rely on these things sooo extremely much and those are just a few. We always think that we should appreciate others, by saying please and thank you and although i think we should do that, shouldn't we also appreciate God for blessing us with such things, like our hands, hair and eyesight? I think about this and wonder if that means anything though, because you hear about people who can't see, and they aren't complaining when I am sure they would love to see the color of something like there own eyes. Although they may not have some of the things that we think we couldn't live without they are also blessed, because somehow they go on with their lives. I don't really know the point I am trying to make with all of this I guess I am just realizing how much we don't appreciate the little things in life. Anyways don't ask why I thought of all of this because I don't really know. but I guess thats all...kinda short..here are some lyrics.

Come in With the Rain by taylor swift

Talk to the wind, talk to the sky,
Talk to the man with the reasons why,
And let me know what you find.

I’ll leave my window open,
‘Cause I’m too tired at night to call your name.
Just know I’m right here hopin’,
That you’ll come in with the rain.

toodles<3

one hot second

2008-06-05T16:37:00.001-07:00

alright. so this ones for everyone who has been so kind to inform me that i haven't written in my blog in forever. To be completely honest i haven't written in my blog because i have been irritated, and i didnt want to have you read one of my blogs filled with all crap and negative thoughts butttt i guess thats what you are going to get. So i am currently going through an "I hate my mom phase"....for many reasons. First of is the bathing suit situation...she said i could get a bikini..which is a big step for her, but then i try them on and show them to her...and shes like "nope too revealing"....what the heck is that about. I mean of course a bikini is going to show a little skin but it like ...lets not be picky or anything mom after all you are the one who will be walking around in this bathing suit *hense the sarcasm*....bc honestly i mean yeah shes my mom and so naturally shes not going to want me to be walking around in nothing but its a bathing suit...its not supposed to be a full body cast and i am the one wearing it.....it will be on my body not hers so what does it matter to her whether or not i feel comfortable in it. Another reason that I am hating my mom is she took my phone.....she has had it since sunday night i think...maybe monday night...and the thing is..I pay for my phone!! So she doesn't even have the right to look at it...no but seriously she shouldn't be allowed to take it.....i wasn't breaking any rule at the time. I'm not allowed to be on the phone after 9 and it was before then....I had all my homework done..except i was coloring my art project..but I can color and talk on the phone and I wasn't in my room (oddly enough my parents want me to spend more time outside of my room "with everyone else")...she said not to ask for it back bc she doesnt know what she will give it back...so now I am just randomly waiting until shes in a good mood and decides to give it back...of course me getting my phone back comes with a "talk" about alllll this crap. There are other reasons too...one of which involves a shirt...but those are the main ones. Alright well yesterday i went to borders with kayla...and say whatever you want but i am actually looking forward to having alot of "relaxing reading time" this summer. Like seriously i can't wait haha....oh and one of the books i am reading currently, had the title of one hot second and so i thought it would be cool to put it as my blog title...get you thinking about what I'm reading =p. You know what's something I'm starting to not like....people having an opinion about you...well not really an opinion but like thinking a certain thing of you...or someone thinking only that thing...especially when its bad...but sometimes even when its good it can still be bad. Like when people think they know something about you and they really don't....or they think they know what you are like...and they don't even know where you begin. I also don't like when people feel like they should know stuff about you...like your not allowed to keep secrets...like your not allowed to keep stuff to yourself even if its something that has absolutely nothing to do with them. I like secrets...I mean some people would say I'm not great at keeping them but i have many secrets that I haven't told...and I just like the fact that they are a secret....nobody else knows them...bc that kinda means that there must be a reason that you do know it...right?anyways I guess thats all for now..here are some lyrics to one of my favorite songs

Backseat of a Greyhound bus by:Sara Evans

She wore a dress with cherries on it
Going somewhere where she'd be wanted
In a town this small all they do is talk
No wedding ring, chipped fingernail polish
She always wished that she could go to college
But some dreams fade, they just slip away
She started to show a few months ago
And she had to go, that's how she wound up

On the backseat of a Greyhound bus
Head hung down with the windows up
Staring at the rest of her life
She never thought this would be the place
Where she would find her saving grace
But she fell in love, she fell in love
On the backseat of a Greyhound bus
The moon was full, the stars were smilin'
God has a funny sense of timin'
The baby came on the interstate
Somewhere between Jackson and Memphis
She finally found what she had been missin'
She cried and laughed while the red lights flashed
Sweet baby girl, she looked into the face of a new
The face of a brand new world

On the backseat of a Greyhound bus
Heart so full that it could bust
Staring at the rest of her life
She never thought this would be the place
Where she would find her saving grace
But she fell in love, she fell in love
On the backseat of a Greyhound bus
Sweet baby girl, she found a brand new world

withlove<3

If there was a Grand Canyon...

2008-05-17T19:52:00.000-07:00

okay so I went to the prom walk in and I have to say after seeing all that it really makes me want to go to prom haha...anyways this weekend has been kinda blah...not blah as in boring but blah as in like good and bad parts and they have kinda canceled each other out so its been just kinda blah. You know what I think is soo pretty.....a dried out rose or pressed rose pedals...as some of you know thats something that I do with more of my roses or flowers that I have gotten or at least the special ones =)...but anyways they are so pretty because they are like a beautiful memory frozen for you to look back at and remember who gave you the rose, how or why you got it, and just the purpose behind such a simple flower. I really like memories....I wouldn't say I'm the type of person who is always looking back and wishing to relive them...but I am the type of person who likes to capture moments with a picture or who likes to just look back and remember them. One thing that I really want to do in my life.... and when I say life I kinda mean like I'm hoping sooner rather than later...is go to arizona and see the grand canyon...I don't really know why I want to but I just think it would be an amazing experience. So I have recently fallen in love with this song called there is no arizona by Jamie O'Neal......I don't exactly know why I like it....it doesn't apply to me at all or anything like that I just really like it ...so here are some lyrics for you (okay so these lyrics are kinda long ....like not for a song but just for me to put on my blog but I guess this song kinda tells a story...like most country songs haha .....so yeah just read them and suck it up =])

He promised her a new and better life, out in Arizona
Underneath the blue never ending sky, swore that he was gonna
Get things in order, he'd send for her
When he left her behind, it never crossed her mind

There is no Arizona
No Painted Desert, no Sedona
If there was a Grand Canyon
She could fill it up with the lies he's told her
But they don't exist, those dreams he sold her
She'll wake up and find
There is no Arizona

She got a postcard with no return address, postmarked Tombstone
It said "I don't know where I'm goin' next but when I do
I'll let you know"
May, June, July, she wonders why
She's still waiting, she'll keep waiting 'cause

There is no Arizona
No Painted Desert, no Sedona
If there was a Grand Canyon
She could fill it up with the lies he's told her
But they don't exist, those dreams he sold her
She'll wake up and find
There is no Arizona

Each day the sun sets into the west
Her heart sinks lower in her chest and
Friends keep asking when she's going
Finally she tells them don't you know

There is no Arizona
No Painted Desert, no Sedona
If there was a Grand Canyon
She could fill it up with the lies he's told her
But they don't exist, those dreams he sold her
She'll wake up and find
There is no Arizona

He promised her a new and better life, out in Arizona

later<3

the mystery within a cloud

2008-05-15T12:17:00.000-07:00

Do you ever want something, but then when you get it, it turns out that it was nothing that you ever really wanted? I absolutely hate when that happens to me. Like crying...do you ever want to just cry, and then you get a reason to cry and you can't stop. I'm mad at my parents right now...and I know what your thinking...what happened this time, but its just them being how they always are trying to screw over my life, being to over protective and irrational. I hate limitations and out of everyone in my life, my parents limit me the most. I love the rain, because no matter what happens while your in the rain, its always better than not being in the rain while its happening. The rain washes things away, it cleanses you, just by letting yourself feel it against your skin. It creates peace in your mind and relaxes you. You are alone, while being surround by everything at the same time, you are drenched with never ending teardrops, but it doesn't matter, nothing really matters at the moment. No matter where you look, the world is covered with such pure water, and you have no control, no control of the rain, no control of yourself and no control of anyone else for that matter. It is completely silent, but you are hearing everything all at the same time. So, I guess I will just leave you with the lyrics from one of my favorite songs

Bring on the Rain by Jo Dee Messina

Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight

love<3

Friday night beneath the stars

2008-05-08T14:09:00.000-07:00

Colorful, Really fun, Amazing, Yucky tasting, Only wax, Neat, Sunshine makes me melt....okay you may think i am only the biggest freak ever right now but i love crayons. On a blank, boring page, crayons give you the power to put life into such an empty picture. Just when i start to think that i have way to much homework that i should probably start i see a box of crayons and I'm like psh screw homework I'm going to color=)...that was kinda random but I really would much rather just sit and color listening to music then do my homework. Anyways, today was a good day..i mean there isn't really a reason why it...it just was. I can't wait for this summer...like I was thinking about it today and its going to be soo great. Like even if I'm not going to be busy like everyday...it will be nice to just go outside in the sun and read or take a walk....I can't wait. I think if people have something to say they should just say it...like if someone wants you to know something but for whatever reason they didn't tell you wouldn't you be like "uhm...tell me"....like no matter what it is good or bad you would want to know either way, and the other person wants you to know so its just better for the both of you if you just say what you want instead of holding back. Its like doing what you really want to do...what's the point of not doing something that you want to do....exactly there isn't one and sometimes you know you are going to do it eventually so you might as well just do it now..when you really want to. Well I guess that's all for now so I will just leave you with some lyrics .
I'm only me when I'm with you by taylor swift

Friday night beneath the stars,
in a field behind your yard,
you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky.
And sometimes we don't say a thing;
just listen to the crickets sing.
Everything I need is right here by my side.
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you.
I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

i love this songg
toodles<3

in this moment

2008-05-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

I have to be honest and tell you that I haven't really been in the "blog mood" lately....but I have been thinking a lot recently. And I realized I have soo many unanswered questions...I don't know who would have the answers so i guess i just never ask and keep wondering...maybe you have the answers to some or they will at least get you thinking. Why do we paint our driveways....like I know we don't actually paint them...but we do...we paint them black. The road isn't black so why must our driveways be..what is the point in that? Secondly can we (as in people) actually hold a cloud...i mean i know clouds are like fog and stuff but can we like touch one and acknowledge that its a cloud? How many wings does a bubblebee have? How tall will a tree grow if you never were to cut it..and how tall will grass grow if you never cut it? Why does it hurt when you get soap in your eyes? Why don't we appreciate stuff...like everyone says "live in the moment" and you hear that all the time..but as much as we hear it why don't we just actually do it....we take advantage of so much...i know I do at least. Tomorrow we won't remember anyways---those are lyrics from a song...but I don't remember what song they are from exactly, but I think that those lyrics are so true...like i dont know about you but I dont remember like anything from yesterday...but the best part is....it almost always never matters that we don't remember yesterday or certain parts of yesterday. I think that something that I really want to do...is something that seems impossible for me to do...like I just want to do it to prove to myself that I can....and if I can't then I guess i would do it to find out that I can't do it...i feel so boring..i need to entertain myself with myself...(well okay i guess i need better wording for that) like i want to do this just because i really want to...if that makes any sense. I guess this is it for now so here are some lyrics that i really like right now

Thats where it is by Carrie Underwood

In the circles I've been running,
I've covered many miles,
And I could search forever for what's right before my eyes,
Just when I thought I'd found it,
It was nothing like I'd planned,
When I got my heart around it, it slipped right through my hands,
Here with you I feel it,
I close my eyes and see it,
In a midnight talk, in a morning kiss,
When I'm in your arms, that's where it is,
When we're tangled up and can't resist,
When we feel that rush, that's where it is,
That's where it is

with love<3

yay tomorrows friday..

2008-05-01T18:28:00.000-07:00

Okay so school wasn't so bad today i have to admit but i did stay after for science..which is always a little depressing because its like ew science...well thats how i think of earth science at least. Shannon came over after school today...and its the first time that she has been to my house and like the first thing she heard when she walked through the door was the baby crying and shes like since when have you had a baby haha....she wasn't talking about me personally though. okay although i don't have a lot of homework due tomorrow...i have sooo much homework for this weekend...and i have good intentions (haha) of getting it all done..so that I'm not all crammed with homework the following week. Science is a little rough these days though..she gives us like 2 labs....to do at home not in school how labs are supposed to be done and then like a bajillion worksheets for review...I'm not that sure how I will do in science this quarter. But even though i have alot of homework i really can't wait for this weekend..because first of all its the weekend...and second i will be hanging out with josh and some other friends. okay so here are some lyrics to a song...i really like this song but i think these lyrics are my favorite part
Where You Are by Jewel
I get so lost inside of you, but
I can not always find my way
To where you are

toodles<3

the begining

2008-04-30T14:57:00.000-07:00

okay so I'm not exactly sure if I will be good at this whole "blog" thing, so if I suck at first have some patience with me. Today was a pretty boring day for me ..like the highlight of my day was laughing in science class with shannon...no offense shannon. I was very happy to hear though that the test that i thought i had to take today after school i get to take it in class on friday...for me this means more study time (whether i will actually take advantage of this time who knows) and i get to miss class =). Today it was really cold out and i had to walk home for my activity bus stop which is like a half a mile away from my house so thats kinda yucky..because i was wicked cold. So i thought it would be kinda cool to share some song lyrics with you so called "blog readers"..maybe i will share some lyrics with you in every blog....we'll have to see. Anyways today i am feeling a little ehh like nothing really great happened but for some reason I'm in a good mood..which is always good.
Somethings never change by sara evans
In a world that keeps turnin',
And movin' so fast,
When you can't hold on to nothin',
And nothin' seems to last,
It's so good to know,
That love still remains.
Ain't ya glad,
That some things never change?

So I'm thinking that i need to come up with a name for the lyrics that i post on here... that songs a little country as you can probably tell by the lyrics but its a good song and its been stuck in my head like all day today.
toodles<3