unfaltering in Him

I kinda wish that I could have like an hour everyday just to sit down and talk to God. Now I know I already can do that, but I mean like I just want answers. Not even like an explanation, we'll keep it easy, all I want is a "yes or a no"; Should I keep trying ? Or just let it?
Do you think He purposely puts situations in our lives to see how we will handle them, or do they just have a mind of their own, messing up His plan? Because lately I've been struggling with stuff like that.
I don't really like the "If they don't want you in there life than you don't need them in yours" motto, because that's not true for so many reasons. One being that there are certain people that I want in my life, or want back in my life, but just because I want that doesn't necessarily mean that the feeling is mutual.
So I guess I'm wondering, do you think I should let those types of things go or should I be more determined to fight for them?
I know in the long run it really doesn't matter what you think I should do(no offense) but don't worry because it doesn't even matter what I think I should do, or will do.. because, as I've wisely heard recently, "It doesn't matter, because I know its just all going to turn out all right" =)
with allll my love,
mary<3

Don't forget to look before you fall

Christmas morning, and im sitting in the 6th row listening to a "soon-to-be-priest" talk about the unknown, thinking:how much does he really know about the unknown, when obviously he found his purpose in life. Normally this is the part i tune out, because its just the priest interpreting the readings,if that, but lately thats changed. So he's going on and on and im not saying i can disagree with what he said because it was all true and related to me its just one of those things that might mean more coming from someone else. But then he told us this story about his grandfather; "I used to sit in that very first seat right there (pointing to the front row) growing up, with my family, and just about 5 years i was sitting there with my elderly grandfather, whom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer and my grandfather, who had been going to this church for thirty years turned to me and said 'where are we?' and i said grandpa we're at church. so for the rest of mass i had to show him the prayers to say and tell him when to stand, kneel or sit and then it was time for communion and we started walking up and i told him to fold his hands, but then the second father [the priest] held up the euchrist my grandfather put his hands out and said Amen [which is what you are taught to do and say]." This story probably doesn't mean anything to you and i don't even know why it meant alot to me, maybe because it was just unexpected, the results of how easily you could see God's presence that is? And the things that do mean the most to us aren't expected, hence falling in love.

with love
mary

gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.


Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.


I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

insipid

I don't really have any 'inspriational life advice' for you these days, so i suppose i will just inform you of my bliss-less life. You'd think it would be filled with fun and excitement during this christmas season, and its not that my life is bad right now, my lifes not even boring, its just that though. Its christmas!!!..and it doesn't feel like it. It just feels normal. I think maybe this year the reason im not anticipating christmas is because i didn't really ask for anything big this year and there are more important things that i am looking forward to then getting presents. For example i am sooo looking forward to turning sixteen and getting my permit!!! I am looking forward to going on my missions trip and i am just looking forward to summer, actually and all the unthinkable adventure that comes with summer. That kinda reminds me of another reason as to why i wouldn't want to live in Florida, like i loveee the warmth but living in the warm, non-snowy climate all the time would just give me nothing to look forward to, seeing as i am looking forward to summer so much. It would be like blahhh all year round. haha. a girl needs a little change =P

Lately im starting to realize how much i dont want to grow up. I want to turn seventeen and then stay seventeen my wholeee life.

(A question to mess with your mind): Do second chances happen twice?

well i think i smell pizza soo until next time; toodless
<3 mary

i <3 hot chocolate

i loveeee hot chocolate. I am drinking it right now and im on the phone with josh too (shhhh dont tell him =] tehe). But i really do like hot chocolate, its sooo warm and when you drink it, it heats up your whole mouth, then you can feel it traveling down your esophagus and then it spreads all throughout your body, and yummmy its warm (go ahead go back some come back and then you can finish reading haha =])

so i just took putty out for a walk and it was really cold, i was listening to my ipod which surprisingly i haven't done in a while, it was SO cold and i was only wearing a sweatshirt and normally i despise the cold with a passion and would definitely not be outside taking my little sister on a walk, butttt today i just decided that i, even though i was freezing, liked it..whether it was being by myself for a little while or my whole body including my brain being numb idk. Randomly i concluded that the dry cold air makes me feel healthy....don't ask, but just breathing it in while i was walking made be feel like healthy haha, know what im talking about? maybe not.

I have exciting news....i can go to france!!! ahhh i am ecstatic...someone dropped out so it created an opening and i am next in line...now its not officially official because i have to get all the paper work back to her but im going to france! im so excited!

I am going to small groups soon and im going to go eat some spaghetti so talk to you later

toodles<3

It's raining diamonds

It's snowing!!

now as many of you know..i don't really like the snow, but to inform you differently i actually love snow its just the playing in it part that I don't like. But today is the first official snow day (i think) this year...I'm saying that because it has been snowing consistantly for like an hour...and all the other times it "snowed" this year it was crappy, little sugar-like droplets that dissolve faster than they land. So i do love this part of the snow watching it fall beautifully outside, as I am sitting inside getting colder by the flake.
Last night i painted my nails ( at kaylas =]) and I really like the color nail polish i picked (kayla's haha well her moms ;]) butt i think i like it so much just because i now that like once it all wears off and i have to take it off..thats the end of it (unless i coincidentally go over to kaylas and paint my nails while I'm there again...but i probably wouldn't even remember which color it is considering her mom has like 50 bajillion of the same colors). The point is I think I (as well as maybe yourself) am like that with alot of things...kinda like the "you want it the more you can't have it type of thing", Like, when your eating skittles you save the best color for last, because obviously thats your favorite and its only smart to savor it, but don't you think the opposite rule should apply..like doesn't it really make more sense to go for what you want the most in life, rather then suffering under crappy situations thinking someday you will have this....or get that..or be in that position rather than this one ( under certain circumstance of course ) idk..it also reminds me about going to college, how many invincible teenagers are making "tons of money" during high school or right after high school so naturally you think "why would i go to college to make money when i already am", i guess i would have to disagree with that wisdom filled thought because everybody knows college is pretty much the way to be sucessful in this world.Its debatable.
I made brownies this afternoon while listening to nothing less than the best music ever (country of course) and now i am off to do homework, clean my room, and do laundry. i know, sounds thrilling.

toodles<3

by the way...i thought that title was creative =]...get it? because snow is like rain just frozen, and its soooo sparkly and pretty that it could pass for a handful of diamonds?

love pedals

i know, i know. this is my profile picture =P but i really like it...and i don't really know why. I think maybe i like it because it is very feminine but (as many of you ladies know) very mysterious of what lies ahead and in my opinion very confident proving. I know its kinda a little revealing haha but still its like you can only imagine who took that picture and what it must have been like, if her stomach really looks like that (i hope not) or if shes sucking it in or if it was edited at all...i think just the fact that i like that picture says alot about me...a lot more that what you just first see when you look at it. It also kinda reminds me of Rose in the Titanic...which makes me realize maybe it doesn't say alot about me after all, but of some qualities that i hope to aquire, of something i admire or maybe even desire..not the jack dying part but the love story part. I guess it makes me think of rose because she is confident and bold, beautiful and strong, independent and at the same time reliant on Jacks love. I mean just this picture itself could be related to the amount of confident it has for a woman such as Rose to get her naked portrait done by such a gorgeous young man =], not only that but to tease him like she did with such an akward request and yet fall completely in love with him without him totally knowing leaving him only hoping for the best... i guess you have to be me to understand that as a complete and sane thought haha
so then, what do you think of the picture?...does a whole story come to mind when you look at it...or is it just another promiscuous photo?

with love<3
mary