too much thought

I've been thinking lately about judgement. I am definately guitly of judging other people like just how i look at them and notice everything about them and think about it (like im examining them as a grade or something), and just in my head come up with certain conclusions meanwhile i haven't even met this person! But it gets so complicated-Its basically imposible to avoid judging other people or just being judged yourself is what i have concluded. People are always going to think something of you whether its good or bad. You are going to have certain reasons for thinking things of others to. Its not like everytime you talk to your friend you start clean, but should you? Although if im going to talk to my friend who i feel is really judgemental like everytime i talk to her, does that mean i should start fresh everytime giving her another chance. No way! thats just being ignorant. Or is it...ughh told you this is confusing. Then you could always be that person that "doesn't care what people think"....but you don't what to go tooo far with this, keep in mind we are pretending you are normal...well at least most of the time. Anyways-what do you think?

its gonna change everything i feel

Its such a beautiful day out. I took a walk, a long walk, in my barefeet, with his ipod and a flowy skirt:)
Lately i feel like i want more, maybe im anticipating summer, but either way im not sure what it is exactly that i want more of. Maybe just bliss, and I am anticipating summer knowing that it will bring bliss.
I'm feeling alot lately like nothing can ever be simple, although thats the way things should be. I've never been one to feel the need to have it, simplicity that is, but lately I just find myself feeling like so much is a waste. Like it shouldn't be this complicated... so why is it?

A moment worth eye rolling

Its annoying how stupid people are lately. Its out of my control, and its quite sad that nothing can be done about their stupidity. Just putting that out there. I've been thinking about my future more lately, well more like just yesterday, and its most likely because yesterday was career day..haha. So, on the subject of career day, last night I was telling my dad about it, and about some of my interests and as you probably already know along with a few other things, I am interested in criminal justice or being a lawyer as like a career. While my mom's friend, Kim and Kim's boyfriend were over, I was telling my dad about career day and about the attorney I met and talked to, Doug (Kim's boyfriend, who might i add just for image purposes has a big nose) had the nerve to blurt out that I shouldn't be a lawyer because they are scum (and typically kim haddddd to agree). Im not sure if just a huge wavy of rudeness flew over him or if he whelled up with this feeling that he needed to tell me this in order to save my future. Might I be so disrespectful by saying that I don't even think he really has a job right now! Ugh so-yes although it wasn't a huge dream of mine, it wasn't like I was very passionate about being a lawyer I still took that very offensively. And maybe someone should let him know that a lot of people are scum in the world. And as he concluded about lawyers lying alot (therefore somehow proving his 'scum' theory), MANY other people lie....step into any high school and viola! This just is yet another example of kim, another story to add to the list to explain my feelings about her.
So, I'm sure you are awful glad right now that you took an extra minute or so, just to read my blog.
genuionly yours-mary

like alice in wonderland

Doesn't everybody want to same thing, why isn't that enough?
When were tangeled up and we can't resist-
Dawn always comes to soon
just take my hand to have and hold if not obey
words get in the way
Lost&insecure
It's sad but sometimes it starts with goodbye
we drifted away like the leaves in the fall
but something always brings me back to you
when you love someone like that
silence is something you can't hide
I don't want this night to end- why does it have to end?
None of us were angels
And you know I love you
Its the ABCs of growing up
Everyday I wonder how I'll get through

save me from the fall out

I am going to bed tonight without talking to him, for the first time, in a long time. It's been a long night.
Do you ever just want to like take your ipod and run. Run away to somewhere safe, or maybe just run away from everything safe. Its never simple or easy. I am always finding myself wanting to be saved. I don't know what from, maybe myself or maybe just what I don't know. That's my biggest probelm-not being able to handle what I don't know, its the hardest thing for me.

Show me what loves all about

Lately I've been noticing how important eyes are;their color, size, shape and most importantly meaning. Like, when someone makes a face to me eyes say it all, they are the most important. The shape, color or size of ones eyes basically determines someones whole "look". If you take someones face and change their eyes it changes everything, maybe the color, maybe the size, maybe how proportionate they now are compared to the rest of their face, their different faces and expressions and just what certain things mean, like if they are being serious of kidding, is determined by their eyes. So what do hungry eyes look like? well the first thing you should ask is, what one is hungry for. food? love? friendship? God? I think we are all hungry for something, no matter what it is, we strive for it even if we don't want to admitt it. And me, I am hungry for not one but so many things. So can you tell when I want a certain thing, by my eyes? (rhetorical question)Because similar to my facial expression, my eyes just shout exactly what I'm feeling. I think that our eyes show other people so much, of what we want, or have, or have been through, or lack. Our eyes unleash us to the world, and let us see it for what it really is, whether we see bad, good, sad, happy, frightening, or joyful things, its because of our eyes. I think its funny how thankful we are to be able to see things yet our eyes expose us to so much evil.

& didn't I tell you, I'm on your side

The little things, you do to me are
Taking me over, I wanna show you
Everything inside of me
Like a nervous heart
My feet are stuck here,
against the pavement
I wanna break free,
I wanna make it
Closer to your eyes,
to get your attention
Before you pass me by