save me from the fall out

I am going to bed tonight without talking to him, for the first time, in a long time. It's been a long night.
Do you ever just want to like take your ipod and run. Run away to somewhere safe, or maybe just run away from everything safe. Its never simple or easy. I am always finding myself wanting to be saved. I don't know what from, maybe myself or maybe just what I don't know. That's my biggest probelm-not being able to handle what I don't know, its the hardest thing for me.

Show me what loves all about

Lately I've been noticing how important eyes are;their color, size, shape and most importantly meaning. Like, when someone makes a face to me eyes say it all, they are the most important. The shape, color or size of ones eyes basically determines someones whole "look". If you take someones face and change their eyes it changes everything, maybe the color, maybe the size, maybe how proportionate they now are compared to the rest of their face, their different faces and expressions and just what certain things mean, like if they are being serious of kidding, is determined by their eyes. So what do hungry eyes look like? well the first thing you should ask is, what one is hungry for. food? love? friendship? God? I think we are all hungry for something, no matter what it is, we strive for it even if we don't want to admitt it. And me, I am hungry for not one but so many things. So can you tell when I want a certain thing, by my eyes? (rhetorical question)Because similar to my facial expression, my eyes just shout exactly what I'm feeling. I think that our eyes show other people so much, of what we want, or have, or have been through, or lack. Our eyes unleash us to the world, and let us see it for what it really is, whether we see bad, good, sad, happy, frightening, or joyful things, its because of our eyes. I think its funny how thankful we are to be able to see things yet our eyes expose us to so much evil.

& didn't I tell you, I'm on your side

The little things, you do to me are
Taking me over, I wanna show you
Everything inside of me
Like a nervous heart
My feet are stuck here,
against the pavement
I wanna break free,
I wanna make it
Closer to your eyes,
to get your attention
Before you pass me by

Everything coming down to Nothing

And then slowly the words poured out of her, like lava exploding, uncontrolably out of a volcanoe, the words that she found herself wanting to use more and more lately, but never dared unlleash their power. While she could feel her eyes swelling up with tears, and her face getting hotter and hotter as it always had when she found herself caught off-guard, she she, "I HATE YOU." A defensive look struck his face, and she understood why, it wasn't like it was obvious to anyone but herself why she was mad, and she wouldnt expect him to know why she was anyways. His voice rambled on in the background of why exactly he did it and all she could think about was the tears. The tears that she tried so hard to keep hidden from him were about to be revealed. She hated him, as well as her for agreeing and sticking by him, although, thats what marriage is all about right? She pivotted and walked resentfully to her bedroom. As always, once there, nothing was stopping the tears and they streamed down her face. Sitting there, surrounded by her things she kept comtemplating how it came to this. He used to be her hero, and she used to be his angel. But that was then and now she found herself almost always hating him; For to her, he was overprotectively getting invovled, but to him, he was protecting her from the thing he has feared all these years.

Ugh.

alright so im kinda annoyed at people haha. Not you. I mean like my parents and grandparents---I get the fact that im only fifteen but they need to understand that I'm fifteen! In their eyes im young and naive and I know they are just trying to prevent mistakes from happening and see me succeeed because "they know I have so much potential"; but to me, I'm fifteen, almost sixteen, in high school, with a job, great friends, a boyfriend and so much more. But I have such a desire for freedom. Now I'm not trying to be all complainy, because I do recognize that I already have alot of freedom and my parents don't have that many rules that keep me from doing stuff but ughh what do they expect? Its like can't I just do my own thing, their "advice" is appreciated-every now and then-not every second. I feel like every time they see that something could go wrong, they jump on the chance to fix it, but the problem is there's nothing to fix, because nothing has happened, to make it shorter for you, its just annoying. Alright so my random, off topic, question for you today isn't really a question its more like " what's your opinion type of thing;" so whats your opinion about giving birth, well not exactly giving birth its self more like, being able to concieve a child--and i do not mean that in the preverted way, like do you consider it a blessing, like you are glad that someday you will be able to or are you like "ahhh! what are you talking about im never having kids". Just answer to the best you can understand my snafued up explaination.

mary<3